It's been about five months since I asked (screamed) at chuck to leave my house, and now I'm in the process of inviting someone new to take a look at my life.. and see if there isn't something worth persuing. Now, since I haven't really severed my ties with Chuck, it's getting me anxious. I know.. alot of my family have told me. Why not just make it so he can't come over period? Why do you let him in when your not home? I don't know, but you have to understand. I love chuck, we've had five years and two kids together. Nothing will change the connection we've made over that amount of time. Granted, there has been alot of negative connections, but the positive ones are that we've made a family together.
So I convey this to him, try to let him know that, even though I may be exploring other relationship options to make me happy.. it doesn't mean I will exclude him from my life. He is the father of my children. I will do my best to make sure his happiness (that which does not involve me) is maintained, that he has me as a friend and that I do not lock my door to him when he needs it.
Of course, this may cause problems. since I have already had arguements with chuck about someone else being in my house. Of course, being the 'ex' he's not thrilled. I understand that, and he's being very understanding - to a point. Which again, shows restraint, atleast for my well being. It's not like the other guy is moving in. He's just staying the weekend.
So, this fueled a dream, in anticipation of my friends arrival for our weekend together (yes the children will be there, with the exception of a few hours for some time out on saturday).
It started with my house suddenly sporting more rooms than I can remember ever having, and my 'friend' moving into one of those rooms. It also happened that Chuck came in, and while he restrained himself from comment.. it was around the time I left Chuck with the kids to go lay down on the bed with my 'friend' and embrace (mild embrace for such a dream) that Chuck came in.. ranting, screaming at my 'friend' who became visibly uncomfortable. It all became a big mess, because as I withdrew something to do with my kids distracted me.. and I was never able to return to the one room where my friend was waiting.
I somehow know this is going to blow up in my face and I'm going to end up hurting someone more than I ever intended.
So I convey this to him, try to let him know that, even though I may be exploring other relationship options to make me happy.. it doesn't mean I will exclude him from my life. He is the father of my children. I will do my best to make sure his happiness (that which does not involve me) is maintained, that he has me as a friend and that I do not lock my door to him when he needs it.
Of course, this may cause problems. since I have already had arguements with chuck about someone else being in my house. Of course, being the 'ex' he's not thrilled. I understand that, and he's being very understanding - to a point. Which again, shows restraint, atleast for my well being. It's not like the other guy is moving in. He's just staying the weekend.
So, this fueled a dream, in anticipation of my friends arrival for our weekend together (yes the children will be there, with the exception of a few hours for some time out on saturday).
It started with my house suddenly sporting more rooms than I can remember ever having, and my 'friend' moving into one of those rooms. It also happened that Chuck came in, and while he restrained himself from comment.. it was around the time I left Chuck with the kids to go lay down on the bed with my 'friend' and embrace (mild embrace for such a dream) that Chuck came in.. ranting, screaming at my 'friend' who became visibly uncomfortable. It all became a big mess, because as I withdrew something to do with my kids distracted me.. and I was never able to return to the one room where my friend was waiting.
I somehow know this is going to blow up in my face and I'm going to end up hurting someone more than I ever intended.
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